i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
P.S. I can't hear my feet
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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