She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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