I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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