you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
