respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
