Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Alive.
So much puke
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
