Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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