i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
