hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
