Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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