u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Are we still banned from the library?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
