The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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