Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
