How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
