already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
