i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
