yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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