she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
