Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
