dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
