It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
