my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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