I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
