Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
