I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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