We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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