well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
