DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm really busy with my period
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