At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
