I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
