Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
