I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
