I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
