Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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