im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
