just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
