i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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