Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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