Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
