Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
