i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
