If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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