Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
