I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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