There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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