what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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