How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
