I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
organizing the empties. That sober.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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