you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
