I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
cat food counts as protein by the way
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
