What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well I just put wine in my tea
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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