Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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