i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
