he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
