on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
