I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
