why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
