My girlfriend figured out who you are.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
