what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
