I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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