Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
