I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
