i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
