Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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